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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Back Room Patriots Prediction: Week 16 vs Jaguars

Where one bloggler puts his money where his two typing fingers are.

JagUars (pronounced affectedly like in the douchey car commercials) at New England -8, O/U 43.5.

It’s a “gotta win” (I hate “must win”) for both squadrons. If we win, we clinch the AFC East. The JagUars need to win to stay in Wild Card contention. We absolutely cannot let the bad guys win. And they are bad. Think about it: Jack Del Rio, Maurice Jones-Drew and Mike Sims-Walker sounds like John Wayne Gacy, John Wilkes Booth, James Earl Ray, Lee Harvey Oswald, etal.

Why we’ll dominate: Psst. Right now we are only one of three teams who are undefeated at home, in good company with the Vikings and the…ugh…Colts. Why the enormous home field advantage? Elements, familiarity and we, the fans, who help bolster a team that still seems a touch unsure of itself. Anybody who doesn’t think that fans have no influence on how their team plays needs only to look at the home/road record of the 2009 Patriots. Keep the dope job up, guys. Nuff said.

While the Pats’ defense isn’t the dominant hand of the 2009 season, we are still ranked tenth overall in total defense in the League. Let that sink in. Yes, with a dodgy d-backfield, we are ninth overall in pass defense. The JagUars hang their helmet on fantasy stud MJD’s running so I assume we’ll force David Douglas Garrard (see what I did there?) to try to beat us.

Conspiracy theory on why they may lay down and let us take it to them: My buddy Charlie who has family in the Jacksonville area says that because of the blackouts in JagUar Country, they need a savior and the person who will put God-fearing Republicans in the seats will be Tebow. A team that is in the hunt to make the playoffs can’t sell enough tickets to be broadcast but would love to watch a nice Christian boy on Sundays. Now I have no idea where Tebow is on Mel Kiper Jr.’s draft board but if the team takes a dive and Jack Of Rio gets and extension, we’ll see who is calling the shots.

Or, Fragile Freddie Jackson, the former jag (sic) spoke to the J-Ville media about how the JagUars moving to Los Angeles would be good for the NFL. So, more on the conspiracy tip, another reason to tank ala Major League!

On a related note Fraggle Freddie may be back in blue and white tomorrow. We can certainly use his legs but his scouting on the enemy may have already been tantamount. He, playing the part of the wise Marjory the Trash Heap, is the key Patriot to the game plan.

Blauhg Prediction: The eight is a strange number but being part of that home field advantage, I’ll take it and support the Pats (or my bookie) and the Over will hit. We have a statistically solid defense but they’ve given up 10 points in each of the past two games, and we won. So if you can cash in your Dave and Busters Christmas gift cards for gambling credits hit the Over against a bad JagUars secondary and the Pats on the money line.


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