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Friday, December 18, 2009

Randy Moss is Actually Selling an Elaborate Pattern

By Rocky,

Shame on you who have been lambasting Randy Moss for "dogging it" last week. Tell me that you aren't so impossibly near-sighted that you don't see the genius behind his assumed lackluster effort? This is part of a plan. The greatest football mind, Bill Belichick, is orchestrating the most elaborate play in the history of the game. It could be sprung this weekend, it might hit in the next few Sundays or he might be waiting for the playoffs, but this is going to occur. Take it away, Joe Buck from the future:

"Moss has been jogging or giving up on his routes entirely for the past few games and it looks like the defense is going to pull their double-team off of Moss and put it on Welker.

"Brady hasn't even so much as looked toward Moss's side of the field this entire half and with the Pats down five with 80 yards to go in a minute, the defense is in a Prevent with their inexperienced corner aligned to Randy's side.

"Well played, as Randy sits down in his route. I mean literally drops Indian-style after a two-yard hitch.

"And this will be it for the game. Brady takes the shotgun snap. Welker screams deep to the left side of the prevent. Moss, with his shoulder pads slumped, is sauntering to the sidelines already–and there is still a few seconds left on the clock. Brady pumps right but the entire defensive secondary has migrated over to Welker. And, what's this? Moss pivots and bolts up the sideline! Moss is wide open on the right. There isn't a defender within 20 yards of Randy as he pulls down Brady's pass and glides into the endzone. How do you not even double one of the best wide receivers of all time? I mean how? Ah, hell, Patriots win! Patriots win on a mammoth effort from Randy Moss–man does he stick with a play!"

Then in the post game press conference.

Reporter: "Coach Belichick, what happened on that last play?"

BB: "Gotcha, bitches."

(ed note: Please don't tell our opponents about this ruse-in-progress. Let's keep this between us, OK?)


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