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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Letter from Danny Woodhead

By Rocky,

Dear North Platte High School Class of 2003:

Suck it! Did ya see my NFL touchdown last Sunday? So much for making fun of me being homeschooled until high school, maybe if your parents cared enough about you then you would be like me and Tim Tebow and be professional athletes.

Remember when you called me “Little Man” and “Danny Diameter?” Well I caught three more NFL passes than all you bitches last game and I’m only 5’6” (but listed at 5’9”). Now people confuse me for Wes Welker, Julian Edelman and Wayne Chrebet not “Mini Me” as you once shouted over me. 

I almost forgot, all you corn-eaters thought my name was  “Penis Head, ” “Woody” or “Wood Head” and it’s “Woodhead” which it says on the back of my NFL’s New England Patriots jersey. I wore it when I caught for 42 yards on an NFL field. Maybe you saw it, oh, right you might not have the NFL package on Direct TV which I am on all the time now!!!!


Danny Woodhead

PS: And this is just to Tammi, bet you wish you took me to the Sadie Hawkins dance they talk about my footwork on national televison!?!?!

PPS: Tammi, I won’t be home Thanksgiving because I have a professional NFL game to play but maybe we could meet up during Christmas break if you are still single. I am not sure if you haven’t seen me on national prime time television but I have a bottom-goatee that looks pretty boss and maybe we could go to Cracker Barrel on a date.

PPPS: No pressure on Cracker Barrel, Tammi, just two old friends having dinner, the date was my little joke. Haha! ROTFLMAO!!!! Maybe you don’t check your e-mail but I friended you on Facebook a few months ago and I haven’t gotten a response.

PPPPS: I realized that maybe you might not recognize my Facebook account but it’s “The Real Professsional NFL Patriots' Football Athlete Player Danny Woodhead” and in case you saw that and thought that it couldn’t be me because in my Info it says 5’9” that’s because my professional big-shot Los Angeles professional agent made me put that even if I am only 5’5 ½” because it means the difference between millions for our kids!!! Jk…unless you want to have kids with me, a professional NFL athlete who is a pro football player.  

-all the above is a farce-


  1. You may have written this as a farce, but it's garbage. You totally disrespected Danny Woodhead, his wife and all that he is about. What a waste of my time even reading it.

    You don't need to "speak" for Danny Woodhead - his character quietly speaks for him.

  2. It wasn't maybe written as a farce, it was definitely written as a farce. We appreciate Danny Woodhead's contribution to the Patriots and you voicing your opinion in this comments thread.

  3. Haha good stuff. GO WOODY!

  4. Oh relax, it's clearly a joke.

  5. Oh this is damn funny

  6. This piece just adds to the Woody mystique my new favorite New England Patriot!

  7. Um, Danny Woodhead graduated from NPHS in 2004...I know because I went to school with him! Just throwing that out there and Danny doesn't talk like that and he was very well liked in school, there aren't many people that aren't proud of him back home!...GO DANNY!