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Monday, November 29, 2010

10 things we have learned about the Patriots so far...

By: Greg
  • Devin McCourtey should have been a top 5 pick
  • The offense is better without Randy Moss, who woulda thought

  • This has been one of  Bill Bilichicks best coaching jobs ever
  • Laurence Maroney for Dieon Branch has been a steal for the Patriots
  • Brandon Tate is an explosive player but still needs to learn how to be a better reciever
  • Thank you New York Jets for cutting Danny Woodhead, one of the most dynamic players in the game

  • The Pats would be so much better with a legitimate pass rusher
  • The young TEs are going to be a force to be reckoned with for years to come
  • We know who wears the pants in the Brady relationship
  • The Offensive line has been the unsung hero of the year especially a guy like Dan Connolly, filling in where ever he is needed.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Patriots Colts Betting Lines, Loko Scale, Lock of the Week

By Rocky,

Patriots -4

Really hungover, both from last night and last year’s epic fail. Let’s just hand out the rest of the Locos and call it a day.

One Loko: Colts’ injuries to Addai, Session, Tryon and Brackett. Collie and Wayne maybe hobbled.

Two Lokos:  This time it’s at The Razor.

Three Lokos: No way Caldwell wins two in a row against Belichick

Four Lokos: Last week Brady was as animated as we’ve seen him in seasons. If he keeps his, and the team’s, energy up there is no way we lose.

Take the Pats, lay the points and buy up as many cases of Four Loko (we like the yellow) you can before the government intervenes with our enjoyment. We aren’t Republicans but maybe when they take over the House they can block this egregious legislation to ban the delicious elixir. First they came for marijuana and we were silent, then they came for the absinthe and again we said nothing, now they are coming for our Four Loko…

Over/Under 49.5

No clue here, thinking Under but that’s no fun.

Stay away

Charlie’s Chalk of the Week.

We found him in the gutter using newspapers as a blanket. He had blue teeth so we assume it was a Blue Raspberry Four Loko evening. When we roused him he just kept repeating “Brian St. Pierre, Brian St. Pierre, who is Brian St. Pierre?” If your bookie give you a second half line on the Baltimore/Carolina game take the Ravens.

-30-

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Pats vs Colts Rivalry: GET PUMPED!

By: Greg
The Colts are the Pats biggest rival hands down. Over the past few years there have been numerous memorable games: Ty Laws Interceptions, 4th and 2, Pats up 21 end up losing, Pats def jacking up Colts WRs to name a few. Here is a video run down of the rivarly:

Friday, November 19, 2010

Dear Diary, I hate the Ponies

By: Charlie

When I was 17 I was a moron. I had green hair, wore plaid pants that smelled like the previous owner (who probably died in them), and modeled my political views after Rage Against the Machine lyrics. Yet for some reason our society decides that this is the age where I’m supposed to make the most important decision of my young life, where to go to college. My choices were an awesome city on the east coast (Boston University), warm weather and sunshine (Southern Cal) or staying close to home (Purdue). Like the 17 year old dumbass that I was I chose Purdue. It was in West Lafayette that I first encountered the bottom of the barrel of humanity, Colts fans.


There are a million and one reasons to hate Colts fans, the most obvious is that they stole one of the most beloved NFL franchises in the middle of the night and moved them to the Asshole of America, Indianapolis. For those who have never been Nap Town only has 2 redeeming features. 1. It’s not Terre Haute. 2. A bar that serves Yoohoo bombs. That’s it.

For years the Colts were terrible. The one highlight of their pre Manning existence in Indy was when Jim Harbaugh almost took them to the Super Bowl in 1995 despite being a mediocre 9 win team. There weren’t really any Colts fans to hate, they just didn’t care. Then Manning arrived and everyone in Indiana became a diehard Colts fan over night. They were loud, obnoxious and, best of all, they didn’t know a goddamn thing about football.

Every time that the Colts fall short, especially against the Patriots, Colts fans are quick to provide 1,446,568 different excuses. It was pass interference! We had to play outside! You’re not allowed to tackle Peyton! Bitch, bitch, bitch. Shut up already.

My buddy Foss was in the market for a Colts jersey around 2003. I’m pretty sure it was for his girlfriend at the time, at least that’s the cover story I remember. The only jersey he could find other than Manning was Vanderjagt. What the hell? People other than the kicker’s family would buy their jersey?


I have very fond memories of the Divisional Playoff game in 2004. Colt fans were so sure that it was their year and they couldn’t stop talking about their unstoppable offense. “Peyton Manning threw for 49 TDs! The Pats are dead in the water!” I kept giving the counter argument that the only Manning to Harrison touchdown would involve Rodney. We all know how that turned out.

When the Colts finally won a Super Bowl* I thought Colts fans would get a bit more tolerable. Good God was I wrong. It just made them multiply. Every time I go out to a bar to watch the games there is always a table full of jackass Colt fans wearing Dallas Clark jerseys and screaming for flags every incomplete pass. I hate them so much, oh so very, very much.

Although I hate to admit it I’m going to feel a little badly for the Colts on Sunday night. Not only will they have lost the game but they’ll have to go back to Indianapolis, and that’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

*I have no idea who they beat to win this Super Bowl. I actually have no recollection of the game at all. I think that some guy named Rex may have thrown some really horrible interceptions for the mystery team the Colts played, I just can’t remember. I must have some sort of mental block.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Worth another look....

By Greg
Patriots vs Steelers Highlights

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sweet Sweet Road Victory: Observations from the couch

By: Greg
  • The Patriots were coming off a big loss to the Browns and they answered the call on the ROAD, on NATIONAL TV and playing one of the best teams in the league
  • First play, the Pats went right back to Gronk after a horrible game last week. Got his confidence up and the rest was history. What a difference a week can make, going from the GOAT to the G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time)
  • Young defense really steped up to the plate.
  • McCourtey looks like an absolute stud once again. He has to be up there for rookie of the year voting.
  • When Brady gets fired up you know he means business. Brady was livid after not converting on third down and chewed out his teammates. From there on out you could see a new intensity especially after the big TD cactch to gronk, Brady was fist pumping like the situation.
  • Watching the replay of Clarkes hit on Welker last season got me really pissed off.....

  • The second half drive to open the half was huge
  • You see the new NFL commerical with Kraft....so great
  • Merriweathers pass interference was a BS call, both going for the ball
  • Alge Crumpler is an absolute beast on the blocking opening lanes for the Law Firm all day going against the best run defense in the league
  • Speaking of line men, Mankins is back and back with a fight.
  • Do you think Jeff Reed the steelers kicker is still drunk? He will be after he gets cut this week

  • Tate is starting to become a great deep threat opening some room for Branch and Welker in the middle
  • Lets hear the sports talk radio now, Is Brady still over the hill? Does he still need Moss? Is he not worth the money? Get a life.....

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Patriots at Steelers Betting Lines, Lock of the Week, If Harrison Gets Anywhere Near Brady's Leg We are Buying a Bus Ticket to Pittsburgh, a .45 and a Shovel

By Rocky

Patriots +4

This is a tough one, a really tough one, and in honor of an old friend who blew into town we are going with the pinky test. After witnessing—through the slits between our fingers over our eyes—last week's debacle unbiasedly we'd rank the Steelers the best in the NFL and the Patriots not at second but at 1.5. Our defense either shows up or doesn't, Randy Moss isn't walking out the tunnel and Tom Brady has a gingered stem. Rothelisberger finds ways to win, Polamalu is the best defensive player in the league but the Steelers offensive line is in shambles. Now onto the pinky test. Stare at your short digit, now envision ponying it up on the bet. We love Brady over Rothelisberger but we like having ten fingers more. It's not worth it walk away from this.

Over 44

Will the 29th ranked defense be able to capitalize on the Formica Curtain? Maybe. Either way both teams are capable of putting up at least 35 on their own. Do the math. The one thing we are really worried about it that jerk Harrison who doesn't understand the difference between playing hard and hitting dirty. If Harrison starts diving into Brady's knee, let's send Zoltan Mesko into the fray to kick that jagoff in the athletic supporter.

Charlie's Chalk of the Week

Giants + Cowboys Over 45. "Are you kidding me? With the way the Giants are playing and the garbage touchdowns the Cowboys score I'd like it at 65."

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Dear Diary, I Love the Red Zone Channel!

By Charlie,

Once or twice per generation an invention comes along that completely changes society as we know it. The Telephone. Electricity. Indoor Plumbing. Cool Ranch Doritos. You get my point. When I looked around me I assumed that the computer would be my generation’s innovation. Then something came along that made the computer’s influence on the masses seem minute in comparison. This brand new invention has altered the very fabric of mankind and how we approach life. I for one will never be able to see the world in the same light after experiencing the wonder and majesty of what will prove to be the pinnacle of human existence. I know this is obvious by now but I’ll spell it out for you anyway, I am talking about the Red Zone channel.

The Red Zone channel is an amazing development by the NFL that is custom designed for the short attention span of today’s sports fans. Instead of focusing on just one game the Red Zone channel flips around to whatever game has a team within the 20 yard line. When there are two games where it looks like a team is about to score Scott Hanson, Red Zone’s host, gleefully announces that they will switch to the double box which shows both games at once. It takes a little bit of adjustment when first watching the Red Zone. Studies have shown that in a pro football game that here is less than 11 minutes of action. This leads to a lot of downtime. There is more than ample time to get a beer, talk about how the AFC pro bowl roster on Tecmo Bowl seems to be disproportionately full of Oilers or to take a piss. With the Red Zone they’ll just flip to a different game where something is happening while the other game is at commercial. There is football all of the time. ALL OF THE TIME. It’s amazing. It’s like being at a sports bar without having to arrive 4 hours early to get a seat where you can see all the TV’s. Before I immersed myself in The Red Zone I knew that it would be pretty cool, I had no idea that it would be this amazing. Here are some of the highlights of my day, all times are central since I’m too damn lazy to add an hour for all of you on the East Coast.

11:54 am: I turn to the Red Zone channel for the first time. I figured they might have some sort of pregame show or at the very least a feed from the NFL network pregame show. Instead I’m greeted with something far superior: A countdown timer. And as this time ticks down the 6 minutes until kick off it plays that awesome music from the background of any NFL films production.

11:59 am: I am standing up and counting down the last 10 seconds. Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Noon: I am welcomed to the Red Zone channel by Scott Hanson. He brings me up to speed while putting great emphasis on the fact that Red Zone will show every single touchdown of the afternoon. You know who loves tuddys? Me.

12:05: Ironically the first game that they cut to is the kickoff of the Jets/Packers game. Little did I know that this would be the only game without a touchdown.

12:12: We are in the Red Zone for the first time! Dallas has the ball against Jax.

12:13: Our first points of the afternoon are scored by David Buehler with a 34yd FG. Booooo! Field Goals are for pussies.

12:15: TOUCHDOWN! The first tuddy of the day is scored by TO. Could we have chosen a more insufferable prick to score the first TD of the day?

12:18: While the Red Zone loves scoring they also have love for the defense as we are shown a nice pick of Mathew Stafford by D’Angelo Hall.

12:21: Mike Sims-Walker gets a TD grab for Jax. The significance? This is the first score where I’ve actually celebrated because of a fantasy player. I believe this is the real brilliance of the Red Zone channel. Instead of ignoring whatever game you are watching to try and read the bottom of the screen on CBS (which scrolls slower than molasses) you get to see every TD right away on Red Zone. Hells yes.

12:33: The first appearance of the double box. It gave me a half pole.

1:00: That was a whirlwind of a first hour. 6 Tuddys and 6 FGs. I got to see someone score every 5 minutes. This only makes me greedier, I demand more points and I demand them NOW.

1:55: Red Zone cuts to Foxboro for the first time to show Brett Favre limping into the stadium.

2:12: In the last 30 seconds there were two TD’s and both ended up being taken away. I get a little teary eyed over the touchdowns that couldn’t be.

2:20ish: We have our 20th tuddy of the day scored by Stevie Johnson of the Buffalo Bills.

3:07: We have our first points from an afternoon game. Is it a touchdown? No. A field goal? No. It’s a safety by Tennessee. 2-0. This game would have my favorite score of the day later on when the Chargers led 7-5.

3:21: The Pats game is shown for the first time. I’m sure you can guess what they showed and I don’t need to go into detail. To give you a hint it involved someone who couldn’t score with Jenn Sterger not scoring with his football team.

3:40: We have our 30th TD of the day! Larry Fitzgerald is still alive apparently. I thought he had died, or at the very least had retired. Who knew? Also the Cards are wearing black uniforms today because of Halloween. Yep.

3:44: The last early game ends as the Bills have their hearts ripped out as KC kicks a game winner as overtime ends.

4:03: THERE IS NO FOOTBALL HAPPENING! With only 4 afternoon games active they are all at commercial at the same time. For 4 beautiful hours my football was uninterrupted. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Read a book? Talk about feelings?

4:05: Thank God. Football came back. I was worried.

4:30ish: TD #40 is scored by Tampa’s Hakim Talib on an interception return. Nice.

5:50: Foxboro. My eyes see the most beautiful sight they have ever seen, even though I very politely asked you to not hurt Favre he appears to be dead on the ground and I couldn’t be happier. Oh damn, he moved. He’s out of the game though. Yay.

5:52: TD #50 is scored by Darius Heyward-Bey of the Oakland Raiders. What the hell is going on with the Raiders right now? If they aren’t terrible I don’t get to bet against them every week.

6:47: All of the games have wrapped up and we’re done for the day. LaGarette Blount, the punchy running back for TB, scores what will prove to be the 54th and last touchdown of the day. Along with those 54 TD’s there were 26 FG’s and 1 safety. That is a lot of points and I saw every damn one of them! How many TD’s did you see last weekend? 5? 10? That’s fucking amateur hour. Fifty four touchdowns. Aww yeah. And what is the best way to recap a day’s worth of touchdown watching? How about a 5 minute montage of all 54 tuddys in chronological order? Yeah, you heard that right. If they had played Battery by Metallica in the background it would have been the single greatest moment of my 30 years. Call your local cable company and order Red Zone immediately. If you don’t you’ll have to live with the cruel reality that all of your friends are seeing infinitely more touchdowns than you are.