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Monday, December 19, 2011

God Watching Tebow and His Broncos vs the Patriots

By Rocky

Archangel Michael, clear my docket from 4 o’clock Eastern time on, the Broncos are going to need my help early today. Belichick, Brady and the Patriots are too good for Tebow and Me to come up with just a 4th Quarter miracle.

Sir, with all due respect, there’s more pressing matters. Maybe if we solve more of the world’s crises, then if we have time perhaps we can intervene later in the game?

Horsefeathers. It’s Tebow time.

As you wish sir, but might I add that there are millions of people starving and even the richer countries like the US are having money problems…

Get me John Fox, tell him run Tebow two times, then McGahee once—they won’t see that one coming—, then have Tebow throw the ball—they really won’t see that one coming!

As you wish. Then maybe we can…

Then have Johnson, whoever that is, run it again, then have McGahee get them close. Then, Tebow can take it the rest of the way!

Done. Now about looking in on…

Yes lets look in; is Tebow genuflecting?

Indeed he is Sir but we are getting a multitude of prayers from hospitals all around the world.

Look what you did! You distracted me and now Brady marched them down the field for a touchdown.

Sorry Sir but the prayers…

Prayers! Lets look at the prayers… Hmmm, I see an ark load for Tebow.

Sir, that’s your Spam folder.

My what? Focus Michael, I would like McGahee to run it for 29, then some guy named Ball can loose a yard (as a red herring) and then Tebow throws a duck to Thomas for 32 yards…

Then Tebow runs it in?

No, I don’t want them catching on to me. Then send Ball into the endzone.

Ball, Sir?

I dunno, alphabetically he’s the first name on offense.

But, Sir, that’s a little unbelievable.

Just do it before Edelman meddles.

YesSir. Done. Now about the tumultuousness in Egypt…

OK now we thwart Brady. We take out Brady and this is all ours!

You mean the Broncos, Sir.

Yes, yes, the Broncos.

I meant to ask you, why the Broncos?

I sent Tebow there, despite all odds and reason so he would be closest to heaven. Dallas thinks I watch in on them but I get the best view at Mile High. Speaking of which I need you to intervene and cancel all their road games next year.

Sir, I, you, we have much more pressing things to do right now.

Of course! Force Brady’s passes errant.

OK they are punting now. Can we please look into other issues!?!

Fine, but I’m only doing this so that you’ll stop whining. Does Bieber need help with his Christmas song? How’s Kim Kardashian doing?

Jesus, Sir, can we please do something relevant?

Everybody just asks and asks from me, why doesn’t anyone care about what I want?

Harrumph, the Broncos have the ball back, what would you like to do?

Where are they?

They are at the New England 13, it’s 3rd and 6, Tebow is running it, ah, just shy of the first down.

Then make up a holding penalty to give Tebow another chance.

I did Sir, but Belichick declined it.

That shrewd bastard. Well then have Prater kick it through, Belichick’s hoping to get a stop without a score.

Sir, this just in, we are getting bombarded by Packers fans who no longer believe in You.

That’s not good. I exist on sports fans' faith alone. I already lost contingencies in Jacksonville, Indianapolis and Cleveland thus far. I mean, I saved the NBA’s season what more could they want?

How about we solve a non-sports problem for now? And see if that works.

But it’s almost halftime.

Sir, just one miracle and then we can get back to Tebow, I promise.

Fine. Put the guy from the Buffalo Wild Wings in control until we get back to the game.

Sir, that’s just a commercial.

Seriously? Then we don’t have too much time. Who’s the wickedest person alive? Let’s kill him quickly and then get back to the Broncos.

Kim Jong-Il, Sir.

Phew, that took longer then expected, what’s the score, what quarter are we in?

Umm, don’t smite me Sir, but Brady’s Tebowing it out—41-23 Pats.

Me dammit!

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