The Baltimore Isotopes can eat our shorts on Sunday. Do you think that the Patriots are intimidated by this cast of characters?
Joe Flacco is Ralph Wiggum
Instead of drinking Gatorade on the sideline, he eats paste.
Haloti Ngata is Comic Book Guy
Occupies space, moves slowly and is in the worst, ads, ever.
Ray Lewis is Sideshow Bob
Smart, scary and I think they both killed a guy. Also they are nuts and let their emotions do them in.
Ed Reed is Blinky
He’s a freak.
Terrell Suggs is Snake
Looks dangerous but is he really?
Bernard Pollard is Bumblebee Man
You'd think he'd be buzzing around, doesn't.
The Rest of the Defense are Jimbo, Dolf and Kearny
Just other half-toughs.
Ray Rice is McBain
He’s really good at stuff. Does it Lone Wolf-style.
Anquan Boldin is Edna Crabapple
Tenured, jaded and just goes through the motions.
Lee Evans is Gil Gunderson
“C’mon Lee, c’mon Lee, get open, get open. This is your last shot.”
Ricky Williams is Troy McClure
“Hi, I'm Ricky Williams, you may know me from such things as my Heisman Trophy, my years with New Orleans, my inconsistency at Miami and my pot smoking.”
Ed Dickson is Disco Stu
Only does one thing.
Michael Oher is the Lenny to the ball carrier's Carl.
He can also be Carl to the ball carrier's Lenny.
Vonta Leach is Moleman
Every so often you say, "Oh yeah, he’s on the team/show."
Matt Birk is Jasper Beardly
Jon Harbaugh is Rod Flanders
The older of the two darling, sainted brothers.
Torrey Smith is The Monorail
New and fast but ultimately ineffective.
And on our side we have Tom Brady who is Tom Brady. We'll take care of the Ravens on what will be their Sunday, Cruddy Sunday.